I believe addiction is an equal opportunity disease, and today it is my privilege to share the beginning of my conversation with Randy Grimes, who demonstrates this. As you will hear today, Randy came from a chemical-free background, and though he started late, the disease took over his life and almost destroyed everything and everyone he loved.
You NFL fans will envy me as Randy played center for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for ten years, and I got to interview him!
In Randy Grimes’s Book, ‘Off Center,’ Mike Ditka says it so well in his forward, “for too many players, the medication they took to stay in on the field follows them into retirement. In September 2019, I inducted Randy Grimes into the Mike Ditka’s Gridiron Greats Hall of Fame for his fight against addiction – a feat requiring as much mental toughness as playing pro ball”.
Please meet NFL player# 60, Randy Grimes!
See full transcript below.
00:01
You’re listening to The Embrace Family Recovery Podcast, a place for real conversations with people who love someone with the disease of addiction. Now here is your host, Margaret Swift Thompson.
Margaret 00:27
Welcome back, today, we’re going to do something different. We are going to look through the lens from the side of the addicted person’s journey. Randy Grimes, a former professional American football player for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers played center from 1983 to 1992.
Not only is Randy a pro football player, he’s a recovering addict, and the author of the book ‘Off Center’, Randy generously shares his experience as a person with addiction in this family disease. I know many football fans are envious of me in this position. It is my privilege to introduce Randy Grimes.
01:16
The Embrace Family Recovery Podcast.
Margaret 01:34
It is my pleasure Randy to have you here with me. And it’s interesting that we’re doing this because I have not had anyone on yet who identifies as addict/alcoholic, because it’s always been family members, which was my desire for the podcast. But after having your wonderful wife, Lydia share her story.
Randy 01:55
Those were great shows by the way!
Margaret 01:57
Thank you. Well, she did a beautiful job. Your wife’s experience spoke to a lot of people, I got tremendous feedback from her episodes. And I thought, you know what, here’s my dilemma and having people who have the disease on is because family members, often, if not majority of the time. And you know this as well as I do, don’t focus on self-care, focus a lot of energy trying to figure out their identified person, what they’re doing, what they’re not doing, how to get them well, how to fix them, how to manage them. And so, what I didn’t want to do was take family members off course. And then I reflected some more talk to my higher power and some of the people that I trust, who advise me on what I’m doing in my career. And I’m like, you know what, we live it when we love someone with this disease. And yet, we can’t hear it from our person as clearly as we can hear it from someone else who has the same disease.
So, I’m really excited and grateful and honored that you would agree to come on and share your story, your journey in your disease and also most importantly, in recovery. For the families out there to offer them hope and maybe some insights into their loved one that they couldn’t hear from them. That’s where I’m coming from Randy. So, with family members, I say who’s your qualifier? But obviously for you, you are the qualifier,
Randy 03:19
Randy’s my qualifier.
Margaret 03:23
So, take us back, Randy, to how you experienced this disease come into your life and your journey in your addiction if you would tell people a little bit about your backstory.
Randy 03:35
I came from a family that had no history of substance abuse. You know, I had a grandfather who probably drank too much, but actually dots over. But no, no extended family members or anything like that. Nothing really, that would throw up a red flag with my family. I never saw my parents touch a drop of alcohol or anything else. I had a brother and sister who were the greatest role models in the world. You know, I had an ideal childhood. My life was centered around football, Friday Night Lights, baseball. My dad was my coach all through my little league and early years, the whole family was just kind of focused on that I had an older brother who also was as good or better than me in sports. So, you know, we had a family thing going on with sports. So, everything kind of revolved around that and go into Baylor getting an opportunity to go play in the Southwest Conference for Coach Grant Teaft. Meeting Lydia, having a great career in college and getting married in college. Still no indications at all of what lies ahead and there was no substance abuse. I was not drinking; I was not using I was not taking opiates then.
Margaret 04:55
I have to interject if you’d let me. Yeah, one of my favorite moments there were As a few with Lydia, was you two meeting at Baylor? So, I know her description of you and freshman year when she came across you and your wranglers as the big strapping guy.
So, I’m really curious what your memory is of Lydia, because that’s one of the beautiful things about having you both on you get to hear the opposite side story. So, do you remember the day you met Lydia?
Randy 05:20
Oh, my gosh, yeah, I was in a small apartment on the campus of Baylor. And I remember being in the kitchen. I remember just sitting there shoving chips in my mouth because I was nervous at all the people that were there. And that was my defense mechanism was just to keep eating.
So, I was sitting in the kitchen shoving chips in my mouth and fondue and everything else that was in there. And I can remember her walking in the door and looking at her from the kitchen all the way across the room. And thinking, wow, she was so tan. She had those green eyes. You know, I could see all of that from the kitchen. And I was just like, it really was like, for me love at first sight, like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. And I finally got the nerve to go off and talk to her and even asked her out, but she already had a date that night. But I did follow her home. And we went out the next night. And that’s pretty much been on since then. So
Margaret: beautiful.
Randy: Yeah, I remember that like it was yesterday. And that was 43 years ago.
Margaret 06:27
Yeah. And that was what was neat with Lydia is is very fresh in her mind too. So, despite all the journey you have been along and the ups, the downs, the beautiful gifts and the struggles, the love and the way you connected was very real. You hear it when you both talk about it’s beautiful. So, it was her green eyes. It sounds like for you part of them.
Randy 06:46
That was, Yeah. And that dark tan.
Margaret 06:51
So, you too, as you’re sharing. Sorry, I interrupted you. But I had to get that in do your journey went through Baylor. You got married while at Baylor? Correct.
Randy 07:00
Got married after our junior year? Yes.
Margaret: Wow.
Randy: I know. And looking back, why in the world did we do that we had not a penny in the bank. And we were just in love. And we just couldn’t wait. I give her credit. She agreed to marry me even before football was even a possibility. She was going to teach I was going to coach we were going to live that all American dream. That was our plan. After our junior year. Little did I know what would lie ahead or that the scouts would come. You know, I knew scouts were watching every game that I played, but not just me, everybody. So, I knew that it was a possibility. But I had no idea how it would turn out.
Margaret 07:44
So as I know from your wife share, you go from Baylor to Florida.
Randy 07:50
Yeah, we were so excited. I was a little country boy from East Texas. I’ve never even seen the ocean. So going to Tampa, Florida and starting our lives together and my career in pro football and really our family in the seaside community of Tampa, Florida, that was exciting. We were so fired up. And Tampa had just gone to in 1982 had just gone to the playoffs that year. So, I was really going to a playoff contender, I thought little did I know what the next decade would look like but I thought then I’m going to a playoff team and it’s Tampa, Florida and so we loaded up everything we had and small u haul and hooked it up to our burgundy Cutlass Supreme and out 10 East. We went from Waco to Tampa, and we were so excited. And I remember her she was pregnant. She had just gotten pregnant, and I remember us having to stop like every half hour practically. It took us forever to get to Tampa, Florida, like a couple of full days.
Margaret 08:55
When I imagine the stressors. I’m sure part of it is your youthfulness, right? Because as we age, we noticed wow, we did those things with a little different lens. So, a mixture of your youthfulness, this dream that’s coming that you didn’t even have right you didn’t have this on your horizon.
Randy: No.
Margaret: And a new baby. A complete geographical change from everything you knew. I mean, that’s a lot to tackle.
Randy 09:18
Yeah, it probably was. But when you’re that calm, that excited and added love, that much adrenaline going on, you don’t think about all those stressors. All you’re thinking about is in the minute. Let’s get to Tampa, let’s find an apartment. Let’s meet the teammates. Let’s meet the coaches. Let’s get in on what’s going on in football. Let’s get you involved with wives and different groups around town. That’s all you’re thinking about is how are we going to fit in, how do we fit him? What’s the process? Go into a new community that were completely unfamiliar with? It was exciting. It really was and back then we had parents that were young enough to travel and come see us and friends that were always come in and making new friends. So, it was a cool time in our lives and our marriage.
Margaret 10:12
And still, at that point, no evidence of an issue with chemicals.
Randy 10:16
No, nothing, nothing. And you know, I can remember I had grown up watching great players play on TV, especially Dallas Cowboys. Watching all those great players and also other players around the league. And one of those people was a guy named Leroy Stillman, who was a first drafts pick of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers ever, in 1976. And he was, he was a Hall of Famer, he was an all Pro, one of the greatest players that ever played the game from Oklahoma. And I had a locker next to him my rookie year, and he was that first really cool player that I had watched for so long that I ever had a conversation with, you know, like face to face, and I had a locker next to him there.
And the first thing I learned from Leroy was that football was no longer a game. Now it was a job. That hit me hard, because football has just always been so fun for me, it came to me so easy. It was always there for me to lean on. And it was just a game that I enjoyed and to hear it put that way from him that it was now a job and that the pressures of a job was now on you. And the threat of being replaced all the time was now on you. It just brought a whole new light to the game. And the second thing that I learned from Leroy was, that you do whatever you have to stay out on that field. And eventually, that meant taking handfuls of pain pills to practice through the injuries and nicks and bruises and also play through those injuries and nicks and bruises. And I’m sure Leroy didn’t mean that when he said that. But eventually that’s how I justified.
12:03
This podcast is made possible by listeners like you.
Margaret 12:08
I am so excited to get to share Randy’s experience, strength, and hope with you, my audience. As a recovering addict, he shares a different perspective that I think is valuable to each of us. His beautiful wife Lydia was my special guest prior, I encourage you to go to her episodes on your favorite podcast streaming platform, or my website embracefamilyrecovery.com, where you can find all my episodes. To hear Lydia’s episodes, she is featured on episode 62, 63, and 64 of The Embrace Family Recovery Podcast.
I am excited to announce the launch of The Embrace Family Recovery Coaching Group! Stay tuned, at the end of this episode I will give you more details.
12:52
You’re listening to The Embrace Family Recovery Podcast? Can you relate to what you’re hearing? Never miss a show by hitting the subscribe button. Now back to the show.
Margaret 13:05
So, at that point, when you joined the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, your pain from your injuries and your years of playing was not to the level that became while you were with Tampa Bay. Is that accurate? Like that’s when it really progressed.
Randy 13:19
Oh, absolutely. I mean, I played in an era where we used to beat the heck out of each other all week long. Now, it’s a lot different because of the collective bargaining agreement and the rules that the unions put on the different teams. But back when I played it was that coaching mentality where if you don’t practice hard, you’re not going to play hard, you know, that “Bear” Bryant mentality, that Junction Boy Mentality, you know, and most of the injuries that we received, and not just me, but my teammates as well, happened during practice. And I never understood that mentality because we were the organization’s greatest commodity.
Margaret: Right?
Randy: And why would you risk injury, practicing so hard, and just hope that we had enough lift in the tank to play on Sunday? That was the mentality back then. So yeah, a lot of the injuries happen while I play. I mean, we practice harder in the pros, obviously than we did in college. And a lot of the injuries I received were in practice and a couple of injuries and taking a couple opiates to get through it. It started off innocent enough. But eventually it got to the point where it was a daily process and benzos, Halcion at night to get to sleep through the pain so you know it was a dual addiction with the opiates in the benzos that went on forever. And I justified it so easy.
Margaret 14:49
Your disease did, is my language your disease within you was tapped on and then start running the show. So, I’m curious using that language if that works for you. When do you remember that switch being switched because you’re a late bloomer, you’re very atypical, right? You didn’t start at 13, or alcohol or marijuana, or none of that you are clean right up until this point. So, do you remember at what point that thinking was changed so dramatically by the disease that it was on? You were full on with needing it, requiring it justifying it?
Randy 15:26
Yeah, I guess when I started playing games and complete blackouts, the last two, two and a half years in my career. I was taking so many opiates and so many benzos before games that, yeah, I would play the entire game, and I would be home at one o’clock in the afternoon on Sunday, somewhere in the country, on national TV, or even at our home stadium. I would play a game and then I would be home late at night on the couch, 11/12 o’clock at night start coming around a little bit. And I’d be all beat up and scratched up, dehydrated, and fingernails all torn up everything that you are after an NFL football game. And I didn’t remember any of it. I played that whole game, and I was the quarterback of the offensive line. You know, I was getting guys going in the right direction, I was changing blocking schemes at the line of scrimmage, I was having to listen to the quarterback for the snap count. I was listening for audibles from him. You know, I was doing all of this in a complete blackout. And I didn’t know any of it. And I knew those last couple of years that it was out of control, but I couldn’t stop doing it. But you know, the crazy thing about that is, in all those years that that was going on? Not once did anybody ever come up and say Randy, why are you slurring your words? Or? Or why are you nodding off in meetings? Or why are you late to practice every day? Or? Or even why are you the last to leave the building every night, pills are missing out of the drugs safe? Nobody ever asked me those questions because I was always playing good.
Margaret 17:05
There’s your point, right? Like talk about the way this disease manifests. Whether you’re a football player, or you’re a homemaker, you’re a corporate executive, you’re a teacher, whatever you are, some of us don’t reach our bottom until some of those consequences come to our face. And if I’m in my workspace, and nobody’s concerned, and I’m “functioning well” to the outside world, don’t mess with it. It’s working.
Randy 17:30
Well, and if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
Margaret: Right.
Randy: And listen, and when I played I had so many enablers around me, you know, I had team doctors, team trainers, I had access to fully loaded narcotics safe that was never locked in the training room. If the doctors or team trainers didn’t give it to me, I could just go get it myself. And I had fans that would get me anything that I wanted, you know, all I had to do was trade tickets for it.
So, I had so many enablers, I had so many ways to justify, I wanted to be the best center that ever played the game I wanted to play every down of every practice. And every game, I wanted to be all Pro I wanted that next big contract. But the biggest thing that fueled me was I didn’t want to get beat out. I didn’t want anybody else to get in my position and have the chance to look better than me. And that was my biggest driver to stay out on the field, to practice in play through times where I probably shouldn’t have been out there. An ankle injury that I probably should have stayed off of or a knee injury or shoulder injury or even a concussion from the week before. That I probably should have sat on the bench that game, but no way was I gonna let a younger kid get in my position and look better than me and maybe lose my spot. Too much pride, too much ego.
Margaret 19:07
Quite fortunate. You’re alive.
Randy 19:08
Puh. That’s the understatement of the day.
Margaret 19:12
Really, to go back and look at where you were and what you were taking and the risks you were taking the risk to your health, with your substances, the risk to your health playing in blackouts, I mean, walking miracle, I would say Randy,
Randy 19:25
Yeah, but you know, when I say that I had so many enablers then. My disease didn’t get out of control until I started having consequences. Or that’s when I looked at it like oh, no. Now I’ve got consequences and I still can’t stop it. Even before I retired, I had a couple seizures. And that was the result of coming off the Halcion, the benzodiazepines. I had shoulder surgery one time and I had to get off the benzos to have the surgery. And I had a seizure. And we didn’t know why. They put me through a battery of tests for epilepsy, seizure disorder, all that stuff, and they couldn’t find anything. And everybody was just baffled, even us as to why I had a seizure. We just kind of blamed it on the anesthesia and after surgery, blah, blah, blah. And then later, I had another seizure on the beach in St. Petersburg, at the Don CeSar Hotel, and ambulance came to get me and my mother was there, she was out there visiting. I was with the kids and just fell out. And really, even then, nobody understood why in the world, I would have a seizure, there was no explanation for it, but I knew.
Margaret 20:47
So, you had not been honest with them about what you had been taking.
Randy 20:50
Exactly. And I would never admit to the extent of it, because at that point, I still didn’t see it as a problem. Things are still working, I was still playing good and, and all that.
Margaret 21:03
Help family members understand. Because one of the things that is very real for family members is when you see someone have a seizure, it is terrifying, it is one of the scariest things I’ve ever seen. And when the person is in the seizure, they don’t have a recollection of it. But the family sure does. help family members understand the power of this disease to somehow keep you from being honest, even though your life is in jeopardy. How does that work in your mind? Or did it work in your mind that you would still keep that quiet?
Randy 21:38
You know, with me, it was desperation and fear. I can remember being out of benzodiazepines knowing that I could have a seizure at any second, because I was in withdrawal. And driving all over Houston, Texas, looking for more, knowing that I could have a seizure at any time, and kill somebody else or myself.
But that was that desperation and fear. And I couldn’t just sit at home and not get anything, I had to go find something somewhere, find some doctor who would write me a script for it, or somebody on the street, anything to keep from having a seizure. And that was strictly desperation and fear and, and stupidity. But you don’t think about that when you’re in withdrawal. All you think about is your next.
Margaret 22:25
The desperation and fear was how do I avoid this happening not how do I get honest and get help? Because I could get help?
Randy: Exactly.
Margaret: So, the disease changes the mentality to how do I survive with what I think I have to have to survive.
Randy 22:42
Exactly. And same with opiate withdrawal. I mean, it won’t kill you, you won’t have a seizure, but you’ll wish you were dead. And the fear of going in withdrawal there too. Push you to do things that you would normally never do, that would never do some of the things that that I did, to keep from going in withdrawal or to keep my addiction alive or to get through to the next day. It just blows my mind, what I was willing to do as a result of the disease.
Margaret 23:16
And I think that’s really important for families to understand, because we see the person we love, we believe that they’re in there. We also see the disease if we can step back and recognize when it’s at play, and running the show. The other piece of it is understanding the level of desperation, the disease requires us to maintain use. It builds the worst possible scenario. It’s like a lot of people think that it’s for kicks and for fun, but at that point in the progression of the disease, it is so not about that, it is about survival. I cannot be okay without this.
Randy 23:52
Not only survival, but it was a full-time job. Driving around looking for more. I mean, the addiction was getting worse, the tolerance was getting higher, I needed more and more pills, so I needed more and more doctors. So, I needed more and more scripts, more and more pharmacy, but also needed more and more money. So, it was a constant manipulation by me finding more money, or finding another doctor.
Margaret, I think I’m a pretty tough guy. And I think I have a lot of discipline. I’ve been in a lot of battles in the NFL, you don’t get to stay in the NFL for 10 years unless you’re winning most of those battles. But, man, this was the toughest thing that I ever did. And trying to stop doing it was the hardest thing I ever did. And sometimes I was successful for a little while, but most of the time not. Not until that last time in 2009.
Margaret 24:49
And I want to in parallel this with what you were having happen at home, because I hear very clearly that in your professional world until retirement there was enablers and there was kind of look the other way because you were functioning and performing well on the field. At home, was that the case? Did you have people turning a blind eye? Were there people suggesting you’re having a problem? Were there people trying to intervene at home?
Randy 25:14
Well listen, I mean, remember what we talked about earlier. Back then we practiced hard. We practice for four or five days a week hard 105-degree heat on the Tampa Bay practice field. So, me coming home and crashing in bed or crashing on the couch, or being in a wreck when I got home, that was not a red flag. Because she knew what we were up to and how beat up I was every week. And if there was ever an indication, it probably would have been in the offseason. But even then, I was practicing hard. At least I wouldn’t banging on people in the offseason, like we did during the season, but I was still working out hard. So, there might have been some red flags in the offseason, but she didn’t have any reason to think that that was not in my history. And you know, I wasn’t having any seizures then because obviously, I had plenty of medication.
Margaret 26:14
Well, let’s be real. In our disease, we’re one hell of a manipulator.
Randy: Yes, we are.
Margaret: And so. it requires that I say this all the time, dishonesty, manipulation, conning, those are all symptoms of this disease that are required to maintain active use, because the people who are going to be the first to get in our way, are the people who love us the most, because they’re seeing the reality of the problem. So, who do we keep in the dark as long as we can, the people we love the most?
Randy 26:43
And also, what is their background in this? You know, did they have a family member? How much knowledge do they have about the disease? How much education? Do they even know what red flags to look for? How do we expect them to address the problem when they don’t even know what they’re looking for?
Margaret 27:01
That brings up how many partners and parents I have heard say, I thought my person had dementia? Or I was sure it was a mental illness. I feel like an idiot because I didn’t see the use as a problem.
Randy 27:22
Yeah, I think people blame themselves a lot. But looking back, I mean, if they really do an honest search of the history of it, like you said, we’re good, we’re good at manipulating. And when you love somebody, you want to believe them so bad, you want to trust them so bad, especially if it’s one of your children, your spouse. We want to believe I’m so bad. And you know, sometimes it’s easy to bury your head in the sand. And maybe if you don’t acknowledge the problem, then it doesn’t really exist. Or maybe you’re just that uneducated as to what to look for. So that’s why I always say when families get well, addicts get well. When families get educated when they know what to look for when they’re comfortable. Having that uncomfortable conversation. When all that stuff happens. Then we’re like, oh, no, the gigs up, there on me now. I can’t get away with anything. I’ve got to be extra careful about everything that I do. And then we still get caught because we’re never extra careful about anything. We do it out of desperation. I love that statement because I really believe that.
Margaret 28:29
I agree.
Outro: Wow, it is humbling and powerful to hear Randy speak of the enablers in his pro football career. Also, the level Randy functioned in blackouts is often eye opening to family members to hear. What a cunning, baffling and powerful disease addiction is. Come back next week to hear more about Randy’s journey from addiction to recovery and helping others find their way whether a pro athletes or not.
Embrace Family recovery Coaching:
As we all know the holidays can offer lots of triggers under the best of circumstances. Add the disease of addiction to the mix and the monkey chatter is amplified.
Let me tell you more about The Embrace Family Recovery Coaching Group. I will host a complementary group three times through the 2022 holiday season where we will come together as a community of loved ones in recovery and support one another while learning new strategies.
You must enroll to participate in the group. Here is the link to enroll:
The groups will be offered on Wednesday evenings December 14th, 21st, and January 4th from 7:30 until 9:00 PM Eastern Standard Time (EST)
I will lead with a topic we will then have a discussion followed by open format.
To register for the group please find the link in my show notes found on embracefamilyrecovery.com
podcast episode #83
I really look forward to being with you practicing radical self-care through this holiday season!
I want to thank my guest for their courage and vulnerability in sharing parts of their story.
Please find resources on my website.
This is Margaret Swift Thompson.
Until next time, please take care of you!
