Are you aware of all the messaging around being a partner of someone with the disease of addiction where you, as the partner, feel blamed or judged?

Have you heard or felt:

You should do this or that?

Why haven’t you made them stop using?

How do I let them take responsibility when they are so out of control?

If I don’t manage the home and finances, who will?

Let go of what? How?

There is zero trust. How can the marriage recover?

Just leave them.

What is healthy support?

Control their finances; then they will stop.

I feel alone; I can’t share as I fear people’s judgment of my partner and me.

When will I get time for me?

I am so angry; I am very short-tempered and love them.

Grace and self-compassion are words I offer to anyone in the role of a partner of someone with the disease of addiction. 

I entered recovery as the partner of an untreated sex addict. It was a lonely, confusing, stressful, exhausting experience, and I did everything wrong. I do not say that as a shaming judgment, just the facts; I did not know what I did not know.

In the insanity of the disease and the monkey chatter, I was oblivious to how the healthy choices were counterintuitive to every instinct I had at the time. I also clearly let the disease off scott-free, while self-blame and loathing were significant.

Education about addiction being a no-fault family disease was a huge step in my recovery, as was having other people on their recovery paths to share their experiences and offer me support and suggestions.

I know you feel alone. I know you fear judgment. I know what saved me was a connection with others on a path like mine.

At the Embrace Family Recovery Partner Coaching Group, we will hold space to share experiences, strength, and hope while gaining a deeper understanding of the power we gain as we learn to separate our loved ones from their disease and ourselves from the monkey.