In today’s episode, Margaret Swift Thompson of Embrace Family Recovery dives into one of the toughest but most vital topics—how to support and protect children in families affected by addiction. Margaret shares heartfelt insight on setting healthy boundaries, empowering children to speak up when they feel unsafe, and helping them understand that addiction is a disease—not their fault.
From practical tools like Sesame Street resources to the impactful work of the Betty Ford Children’s Program, Margaret offers guidance for parents, caregivers, and allies looking to foster safety, trust, and healing. Drawing from her own personal journey, she reminds us that recovery is possible—and that hope begins with honest conversations and strong role models.
Tune in to learn how to become a safe harbor for the children in your life and how to lead with compassion, clarity, and connection.
Click here to grab your copy of Healthy Strategies for Family Members to Cope and Even Thrive Through Addiction and receive my weekly newsletter.
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Margaret 00:15
Hello, everyone. I am Margaret Swift Thompson of Embrace Family Recovery. And I am an affiliate of NACoA, which is an honor to be affiliated with, because I believe wholeheartedly in family recovery from this family disease.
And they shared this image that prompted me to want to get on and have a quick chat. This image will be shared, and it is a beautiful picture of a child holding a monkey, ironically, or a teddy bear, and they are in the caption, it says, ‘we tell kids not to get into a car with a drunk driver, but what if the drunk driver is a parent?’
I need to talk about this, because this is a very real issue that I have faced many times with clients that I’ve worked with over the decades in this field. Of course, we don’t want anyone to be put at risk by this disease, and we know that this disease creates changes in character, behavior and values. I don’t believe anyone who has this disease of addiction, would choose willingly or want ever to harm their children or themselves or a complete stranger on the road. Though what we see happen is the repeated behavior of using and then driving alone or with family members.
And when I read this post by NACoA, I see the obvious statement of it’s absolutely true. We have to empower our children to speak for themselves and speak up in safety of themselves and their younger siblings, their peers, their friends. But how hard is that to do?
You know, we spend a lot of time, when working with families impacted by the disease of addiction, talking about boundary setting and communication, and it’s tough. It’s a tough subject for many adults, to find ways to set boundaries. What is a healthy boundary? What is okay to say? What is okay not to say? What is okay to do or not do, to protect yourself from this disease. And always in mind, separating the disease from the person, knowing that the person whom you love would not wish to harm you, but the disease doesn’t care. It doesn’t care about the person who has it, nor does it care about the people who they love. It is an awful, powerful disease that changes the way we live our lives.
So, when we look at this concept of, how do we empower our children when it comes to the boundaries of safety around driving with someone who’s intoxicated or under the influence of a substance, and they don’t feel safe. How do we do that when it’s so hard for adults to hold that boundary?
Well, I believe we start with teaching them about the disease of addiction, that it is a no-fault disease, and some of the resources out there are inclusive of Sesame Street, they have incredible templates, videos, information that you can use to start talking about this subject with your young children.
There are family programs, but more importantly, there are children’s programs. The one in particular I’m aware of is Hazeldeln Betty Ford’s Children’s Program, which is a phenomenal program for children, which teaches them about this disease being a no fault disease, and that not everyone has it, and that there is a need for recovery, and that the superhero in healing, the person with the disease is not the loved ones, but treatment and recovery. And children need to hear that because children believe intuitively that it’s somehow their fault or their responsibility, and we want to make sure they don’t not have the information to challenge that thinking.
The other thing is, with little ones, it may be hard, but as they get into a little older age group, having them know that their cell phone is there for their protection, not just for Tiktoking and whatever else they do But if they ever feel unsafe, they don’t feel they can get into the car. They don’t feel they’re in good position to say or do anything to change the mind of the person driving that it’s okay not to get in the car and to call another responsible adult to pick them up. So that would require those of us who are raising children and grandchildren to teach them that it’s okay to not keep the secret. It’s okay to ask for help, it’s okay to call another identified responsible member of the family or friend to be that person when we feel unsafe. Do we let the children’s teacher or counselor know about this potential issue so that they can support that child in setting those boundaries? Do we have identified safe adults in our neighborhoods where our children know they can go if they feel unsafe, if they feel scared, if they feel worried. That there is an identified parent, adult community member living in the neighborhood that they can go to, a friend’s family. I’ve had many clients tell me that what got them through the journey being children in this family, disease was trusted friends and their families who would support them, look out for them, feed them, let them sleep over without judgment or interrogation, just know that it was a safe, identified space.
The other thing is to be able to say no to the adult about getting in the car. Again. it’s a big order because it’s hard for us adults sometimes to set that boundary, and so we’ve got to empower our children that they’re not being hurtful, they’re not being disrespectful, they’re not being unkind. They’re actually being protective of themselves and saying the truth that it’s not okay to drive with them right now and then have a backup plan.
I don’t think that this is an easy journey. I know it’s not. I unfortunately took risks when I was active in my addiction. You know, it’s easy to judge one addiction as worse than the other, and I don’t believe in getting into that. But the reality is, I was a distracted driver with precious cargo, and I shouldn’t have been driving myself nor my cargo when I was so preoccupied and distracted with consuming enough or getting to somewhere to get enough. I, by the grace of my higher power, was spared any accidents, and my children were safe. I’m grateful for that, but I want you to be empowered to do different in your families than I was able to have done in my family. I couldn’t set that boundary for myself because I was too consumed by my addiction, and it is virtually impossible to protect the people I love when I can’t even protect myself, when I’m so desperate to use to be numb, to escape, to feel, “okay”, as a result of getting enough. I think it’s our responsibility to educate our children into this no fault disease they have been a part of in this family, to educate them about the genetic predisposition to possibly getting this disease, and also they may not but the decision to consume any mood altering substance take with great caution and give yourself as much time as a young person as possible without using and consuming mood altering substances. So, my children heard, probably till they were sick of hearing it, that the brain, the frontal cortex, doesn’t come online, fully formed to 25 so the longer you wait to introduce substances to your system, the more you protect yourself from the possibility of becoming addicted to it.
I cannot prevent my children from having the snowfall disease. It’s in the gene pool. I cannot determine who has it or who doesn’t, who will or who won’t. I can only inform them, educate them, and role model my recovery to them, out loud so that they know there’s hope and help if they are ever struggling with their own version of the disease of addiction.
This beautiful child deserves to be safe, as do we all from this disease. So, remember, separating the person from the disease is step number one, believing it’s nobody’s fault. It’s not the person with the disease fault. It’s not my fault as a parent; it’s not my fault as a child or a sibling. It’s a no-fault disease, just like other diseases, are nobody’s fault. Some get it, some don’t.
And when we want to get judgmental, maybe remember what my old supervisor used to say, almost everyone in the world, if not everyone, has auditioned for the part of addiction, and the only people that don’t have it are the ones that were spared, fortunately, by genetics, by environment, by a combination of all
So, let’s not judge. Let’s offer grace to ourselves. Get educated, get support, and if anybody needs help with setting these boundaries or discussing these issues, please reach out to me.
I’m here to work with you as family members and affected loved ones, because you don’t have to be on this journey alone.
Until next time you. Take care of you. Please find resources on my website
This is Margaret Swift Thompson, until next time, please take care of you.
