In this episode of The Embrace Family Recovery Podcast, Margaret, a seasoned family recovery specialist, shares a powerful story from an unexpected place—an airline lounge. What began as a frustrating encounter with an intoxicated, disruptive woman evolved into a profound reflection on the generational impacts of addiction. As Margaret witnessed the emotional toll on staff and fellow travelers, she was reminded of how deeply addiction affects not just the individual, but everyone around them.
Join us as she unpacks the emotional energy shift that occurred once the couple was removed, and how moments like this offer a chance to pause, reflect, and extend compassion—even in the most challenging circumstances. Margaret also shares insights into how families can begin to heal from the ripple effects of addiction, and how recovery starts with understanding our own reactions.
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Hello, everyone. Margaret here, family recovery specialist and I wanted to jump on because yesterday, when I was traveling back from Bermuda, which is my home, I witnessed something that just raised lots of thoughts, questions, and reactions in me and many other people.
So, I was in a lounge, one of the airline lounges, and there was, appeared to be, an intoxicated woman there and her companion, and she was belligerent, and she was loud, and she was aggressive. And the bartender had refused to serve her, and I was sitting next to two ladies who were really aggravated by this behavior. Wanted the police to be called. Why doesn’t she move on? This has been going on for a long time because I hadn’t heard the beginning of it, and I found myself starting to feel the same way.
And then what happened as I watched this unfold. I watched the staff be kind, respectful and supportive yet frustrated. I witnessed the energy in the room being very hot, you know, like everyone was on high alert. I watched myself sitting there feeling calm but observing and curious, trying to figure out the story in my head of what had happened here. And I got to the point where I was less obsessed or focused on the lady involved and more aware of the energy surrounding her. From her companion’s energy to all of the men, women, and children who were sitting around in this lounge trying to get on with their time, but also very vigilant to the activities.
And then I felt it heighten even more when a physical altercation happened and the police came, and I found myself wondering, as the lovely waitress kept coming by and checking in with me, because I was quite close, and asking me questions, and I shared a little bit about what I do.
And in that moment, I realized what I was aware of was the implications of this family disease on the people surrounding the person who is struggling in it. I don’t know whether this person was a person with the disease of addiction or alcoholism. What I know is her behavior replicated that of someone who was out of control in their behavior when highly intoxicated, which would be possibly commonplace in the family disease of addiction. And I realized in that moment that probably some of the people around were reacting from the place that they had, maybe once lived when they were children or in a partnership, or raising children who are struggling with this disease. And my heart was filled with compassion for how painful, and raw, and reactive we can get when we are triggered into our old wounds. And don’t realize, even in the moment, that that’s what happens, because we’re so focused on being upset with the woman at the bar.
What was more fascinating was this ratcheted up, and the police then became involved, and then the couple, the man and the woman in question, were removed from the lounge by the police, and the main person who had been dealing with this woman, the manager, was visibly shook up. She was the one who received the altercation, and she tried very hard to maintain her composure, but was so surprised at this behavior in her career.
And then after the lady left the room, energy was just different. It was suddenly like people could take a deep breath. People weren’t hyper aware or on high watch or feeling anxious because of what was going to happen next. They weren’t antagonistic either. And then there was some discussion of people who were reflecting and complementing the team on how they handled it and glad she was gone.
Glad she was gone, yes, because she was disruptive. I get it, but on the flip side of it, how many of us struggle with that when we want them to be well, but when they’re not well, their behavior is so unmanageable that we just want them to be out of our face, not to have to see the disease in action so clearly in those ugly moments.
And my heart went out to the I don’t know, 50 to 100 people in that lounge, wondering how many of them were people who had lived through this family disease in some capacity and never received the care, education, support they deserved? And I felt sad. I felt sad at this generational illness continuing to impact families even when they may no longer be dealing with it in their direct family, because somebody has gotten well and they’ve received treatment, but those who’ve never gotten resources for this family disease. As an affected loved one carry that forward in every aspect of their life, work, vacation, traveling, going to the grocery store. And when we have been through these types of experiences in our lives, we don’t even realize we can get so triggered, so fast and not recognize it until after we reflect on it. And I was triggered the loud noise, possibly more the gang mentality of the unpleasant words that were being said by the ladies next to me, but mostly I was grateful that I transitioned into a place of curiosity and compassion for all involved, and mostly for the people who witnessed it, and what they may or may not be feeling.
And granted, we were at a bar, so some weren’t feeling, and they were drinking to cope, and others would remove themselves, but the energy in that room and the experience of witnessing it wasn’t directly impacting me, as I felt safe, I never felt threatened, I never felt scared.
felt uncomfortable. I wanted the situation to stop, which I think is true for anyone witnessing that. I was grateful there weren’t a lot of cameras out recording it. I was grateful that this woman and her companion were given compassion and decency, though they didn’t perceive that to be the case. And I was glad that I got to the place of being able to reflect as a whole picture, a whole system, versus just the one off and judgment.
And I share this because, you know, I’m a professional in the field, working for many years around people with the disease of addiction and their families. And yet I am still human, and yet I still react in human ways. And I felt really pleased that I was able to get to the bigger picture yesterday, and not just stay stuck in the bystander observing, gawking, intolerance, judgment that I started in.
Just some thoughts. I hope you take care of you, and until next time, I’m Margaret Swift Thompson of Embrace Family Recovery. And if this resonates with you and you want to talk about it. If you have related to it and want help so that you don’t have to be reactive, you can work with me. You can contact me, and I can coach you through some sessions to help you heal these wounds and find some strategies to not feel so vulnerable and so triggered, even if it isn’t our person around us who we’re reacting to.
Take care of you.
Outro:
Please find resources on my website, embracefamilyrecovery.com
This is Margaret Swift Thompson, until next time, please take care of you!
