Welcome back to the Embrace Family Recovery Podcast.
Loving someone with addiction can feel like being a shaken soda bottle—ready to explode at any moment.
In this episode, Margaret dives into the emotional toll of addiction on families and the transformative power of 12-step recovery. From admitting powerlessness to embracing gratitude and service, she explores how these steps help family members find peace, manage emotions, and break free from stress.
Want to see this visual aid for your own journey of healing? Tune in on my YouTube channel for an exclusive look!
Click here to grab your copy of Healthy Strategies for Family Members to Cope and Even Thrive Through Addiction
00:15
Hi everyone, Margaret here from Embrace Family Recovery with a visual representation of the disease’s impact on every one of us when we love someone who has the disease of addiction in any form, substances, behaviors, food, gambling.
00:35
So, when we love someone with this disease, we have a thing called Monkey Chatter going on all the time, and so this Monkey Chatter is constantly having us worry and preoccupy us with what I call our drug of no choice, which is that walking, talking human being we love so much, who is suffering at the hands of this disease.
And the behaviors of the disease creates are infuriating, and scary, and worrisome, and troubling, and dangerous, and worst-case scenarios are running through our mind all the time.
And we are preoccupied, and we are obsessed, and we don’t know what to do with ourselves. So, what do we do?
This is what I did anyway. I focused on them. I did everything I could to try to make them okay, to try to get them the help, I thought they needed. To try and fix the situations for them so that it would be easier for them to get well. And I would spend every waking moment thinking, preoccupied, obsessed, worrying, trying to manage, fix and control every scenario in my mind before it even happened.
As a result, I walked around very much like this soda. By the way, for pop, for soda, this is Sun Drop, big southern thing, not so good. But that’s okay. It works for this experience.
So many years ago, I did this, and the other day, I remembered it, and I haven’t done it in a while, so I wanted to show you.
So, this bottle represents the feelings of our containment. I wore a mask to pretend I looked okay, to tell me I was okay on the outside, even though on the inside, this is how I felt. I felt twirled up. I felt like I was going to blow. I felt like I had no release. I felt like I couldn’t make anything better. And as a result, I walked around like this. (highly shaken soda bottle) And unfortunately, sometimes the insides of this leaked out on the most innocent bystander; had nothing to do with the situation at hand. And for those moments, I regret them.
And this is why I want to show you how 12 step recovery works for someone as a family member, because it is brilliantly designed to assist.
And I remember when I started this journey, I’m like, 12 step recovery, AA, Al-Anon. NA, OA, Nar-Anon, whatever Anon, CODA that we go to, it’s like, okay, so you’re supposed to do this work.
And what does it give you? Some peace, some tranquility, a sense of community.
How does that work? Well, it works magnificently. Being in a room where you can share your truth and other people get it, I can share with people that this is how I feel inside, even though I feel like I’m trying to cover that feeling and not put it on anyone, but yet it’s going everywhere.
The other thing that this did was teach. I understood the disease and its impact on me for the first time because I didn’t understand it. The other thing it did was teach me a way to get out of feeling like this. And the way it works is we gradually work the steps. So, we start working the steps.
So, we start doing step one,
(slowly open the bottle and fizzes)
03:29
step two,
(slowly open the bottle and fizzes)
03:31
step three.
(slowly open the bottle and fizzes)
03:35
We may pause on step three because we’re really struggling with it.
03:39
And then we do step four and ooh, that’s a biggie, doing those steps. Step Four was a lot. That’s all those resentments and hurts.
(slowly open the bottle and fizzes)
Step five, we take that step work, and we take it to someone, a sponsor, a spiritual advisor who understands 12 step recovery.
(slowly open the bottle and fizzes)
Then we do step six, Step seven, Step eight, Step nine,
(slowly open the bottle and fizzes)
Whoo, making those amends? Did I have amends make as a family member, you bet I did a lot of them.
04:13
Step 10,
(slowly open the bottle and fizzes)
That daily inventory where I keep an eye on, am I being fearful? Dishonest? Afraid. Am I practicing gratitude? You know, FRED G is a great reminder of Step 10.
Fred is Fear, Resentment, Ego getting in the way, Dishonesty and Gratitude. Those are just a really good self-check in for any one of us.
Then 11 and 12,
(slowly open the bottle and fizzes)
doing service by going to the meetings, setting up the rooms, helping clean up after being amongst the newcomers, welcoming them in.
And guess what happens? I, in time learn how to live in my body without feeling like I’m about to blow
04:58
This 12 step recovery works, and how it works is magnificent. And, yeah, you know, sometimes the language is harder to understand because it was written in 30s, but that’s okay. Be willing to learn and hear. What amazes me is that those words written in the 30s were so fortuitous, the fact that they wrote in the 30s Higher Power of your understanding when it was very much a Christian based philosophy then and there was no exception, was quite remarkable.
05:28
The fact that they knew their audience because they were their audience.
05:34
My hope is you’ll consider looking into your own recovery as a family member, because if you believe your loved one getting well will take away this without you doing any work,
05:46
it won’t my hope, my desire for each and every one of you is to find your community.
05:53
I am so grateful for the 12-step program and what is taught me. I am so willing to share the aspects of it that I can, and I’m also going to encourage you to find your own group, your own community, how you find it, where you find it. That’s your journey. But stop trying to do this alone. Aren’t you tired of feeling at any minute you’re going to lose everything? Aren’t you tired of feeling emotionally drained and stressed beyond belief?
06:25
Aren’t you tired of trying to figure out ways to fix this when really, we’re powerless over fixing anyone but ourselves? So, my hope is you will consider working a program for yourself, because in my humble opinion, that’s what will bring you peace.
06:45
Until next time, take care of you.
06:50
Please find resources on my website, embracefamilyrecovery.com.
06:57
This is Margaret Swift Thompson, until next time, please take care of you.
