Today I have another solo episode!
I am sharing about one of my favorite recovery tools. I found myself giggling at the reality of telling my story with the language of “I need to take you back to 1997”!
There is no denying that I am not a newcomer, which I was very much in 1997.
In 1997 I was so grateful to train with the magnificent clinical team on the Silkworth Unit at Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation – they taught me so much.
I thank one of my coaching clients for today’s picture of a beautiful God Box they made for their ongoing recovery!
Learn more by taking a listen to this episode! Remember, the title God Box is the term used to teach me, make it your own, and use the language that works for you.
See full transcript below.
00:01
You’re listening to the Embrace Family Recovery Podcast, a place for real conversations with people who love someone with the disease of addiction. Now, here is your host, Margaret Swift Thompson.
Margaret 00:27
Welcome back, I’m so grateful that you tune in week after week to hear the things that we share. I am incredibly grateful for all my guests who choose to share during their conversations with me on the Embrace Family Recovery Podcast.
00:45
The Embrace Family Recovery Podcast.
Margaret 01:00
Today, I’m going to do another solo. It’s been on my heart to do a solo about a tool that has given me great assistance on my journey of recovery over the years.
In order to do that, I need to take you back to 1997 When I was a counselor in training at Hazelden Betty Ford on the Silkworth Unit, with an amazing team led by Woody Bernas, including Cheryl Julik, Fran Ferdenand, and Raymond Rickels. This team was like none I’ve ever experienced in my clinical history. When they work together, it was like a fine-tuned orchestra. And one of the things that came about at the time I worked with them was me getting more raw and honest about how much I needed help in my own recovery. And they were gracious kind, while holding firm boundaries, to make sure I took care of myself to be the best student, counselor I could be.
And I was sharing with one of them, probably Fran, that I was struggling with intrusive thoughts. And I hadn’t coined the term Monkey Chatter yet. But it was about that time I started thinking about that term. And I was having a lot of intrusive thoughts about my ex-fiancé, who I was no longer with, and wondering how he was doing and what he was doing. And a lot of preoccupation about him, our past our story, the wreckage I left behind when I disappeared from Bermuda after it all blew up.
And she walked me gently to the unit, community area, and showed me this box. It wasn’t anything particularly special. But it was a box. And on that unit, it was termed the God Box. Now, for anyone out there who’s not comfortable with the term God or anything affiliated with Christian faith, call it your universe box, your surrender box, your Creator box, your higher power box, whatever works for you. And at the time, the God Box didn’t feel comfortable for me. But what grabbed me about it was when she shared with me how it worked.
So, the idea is anything I’m having monkey chatter about fear about worrying about preoccupied about anyone I’m thinking about other than me, which is something I have no control over those people places and things I can’t control. I do a step three, according to the 12 steps of 12 Step programs. And I would do a step three, by taking those thoughts and writing them on paper, and then surrendering them to this box.
And I know there’s some of you out there and going, how does that help? Because that was my initial reaction. She then gave me a little sticky note pad and said, carry this around with you and start writing it, when you have the thoughts. Just write it, don’t judge it. Don’t question it, just write it. And so that’s what I would do. Because I was not only having those types of thoughts,
I was having a lot of questioning and doubts, as they would call it now imposter syndrome about whether I could be a counselor in the field of addiction. And so, I had a lot going on, that was uncertain, and fear based and worrying about things. And so, she says, you know what, Margaret, just write it out, write it out, write it out.
So, I would carry a little sticky notepad with me. And I would write it out when I was getting these flooding intrusive thoughts that I now call Monkey Chatter. And then she say the next part is you take them to the box, and you put them in.
And again, I thought, okay, I’ll do it. I’m not sure how this works, but I’ll do it. And so, it became a bit of a joke with my team in a very loving way that I was putting a dent in the path going to and from the box because I was using that box so much. And it got to a point that I decided, you know what, that’s not the box for me that’s for all the clients on the unit. So, I’m going to make my own. And I remember going home to my little apartment, and I picked up an empty tissue box. And I wrapped it in some tissue paper to make it look prettier. And I put it in my living room. And what would happen is I’d keep the sticky notepad on me, and I’d write it throughout the day, and I’d not relook at it, but I’d take it home and deposit it in the box. And one of the things that I think is so incredibly powerful about this is I’ve said it before, if you’ve listened to my podcast, you know one of the things that takes away or diffuses, the power of the Monkey is having the ability to get it out those thoughts. To either say them out loud, right them, take them out of our brain and all that energy we’re using to try and figure them out,
shut them down, stop them, analyze them.
06:14
This podcast is made possible by listeners like you.
Margaret 06:18
So, I am willing to shamelessly beg and ask any of you who value this podcast to do me a solid favor. Go to Apple Podcast and write a review, share a rating, all you have to do is go to Apple Podcast and search The Embrace Family Recovery Podcast. And under the listing of the episodes is a place to write a review and read the reviews other people have written. The reality is the more people that review the podcast and rate the podcast, the more that Apple and other platforms for podcasting, send out the episode to a wider audience. So, I really appreciate your help with this.
07:04
You’re listening to the Embrace Family Recovery Podcast, can you relate to what you’re hearing, never miss a show by hitting the subscribe button. Now back to the show.
Margaret 07:16
So, there’s the component of writing it out, that’s a release. But then the piece of putting it in the box and saying to myself, I’m gonna give it away. You know, and when I first started doing it, those thoughts did not stay away for long at all. Like I’d put it in the box, and then bam, that thought would be back in my head within a short time. And I’d write it out again, because I really valued the teacher who gave me the tool. And that’s a big part of recovery.
Are we willing to take what is given to us by other people who have walked on this path? And are we willing to try it? And when I coach my clients, I talk about that a lot. You have a lot of wisdom and experience. You don’t have a lot of wisdom and experience with understanding the disease of addiction, you’re so close to it. Are you willing to let people in who’ve walked the path? Are you willing to share what you’re going through with people if you’re coaching with me, or if you’re working a 12-step program with your sponsor, or if you have a therapist, with your therapist? But are you willing to let people in who can maybe see things that it’s hard for us to see because we’re so close?
And that’s what happened with me in this Universe Box, Higher Power Box, I was given this gift by someone who I respected, who I knew their story, and I knew they’d come through a lot.
So, I made this box in my apartment, and I utilized it. And in time I can share with you that when I would really be struggling, I’d put it in the box. And in time I’d be able to get a bit of a relief from that struggle. My Monkey Chatter would have less power over me and my mood and my feelings. It would just be thoughts instead of grabbing them and stressing about them.
To move this through my life. It’s interesting that I have had many different universe boxes, higher power boxes, prayer boxes, God boxes. I’ve taught this tool to many, many people. I remember different ones on different units of treatment center that I worked in, will be decorated and beautiful artistically painted, and crafted. I’ve had people share ones they made of wood.
And I often get asked, well what do you do with it? As you go forward? Do you read it? Do you pull them out? Do you do anything with it?
And I have a flashback as I share the story today when I was moving back to Bermuda after my training was over. My now husband, who we had just started dating before I left for Bermuda, was helping me pack up. And he came across my box and said what is this? So, we had a conversation about what it was. And he’s like, what are you going to do with it? I said, I’m going to burn it, I’m going to truly send all of that yuck, that I threw up on those papers, to the universe, to the Higher Power.
I absolutely know some people choose to open the box back up, and look at how things have resolved or not, where there’s areas to keep working on, where they’ve had peace come over them, where they’ve been able to let go. How they’ve healed and grown in their recovery to be less filled with monkey chatter.
I personally don’t do that; I like to burn them. I like to send them out to the universe, send them back out there. I adore this tool.
And in later life, more in the recent five years or so, it has manifested in another way. And that is using journaling or a journaling app. So, the app that I personally was introduced to by my eldest daughter, when I was going through some struggles, where I was just really having a hard time getting the stuff out of my head from being fully consuming of me. And she introduced me to the Youper App, y o u p e r, and I’m not a spokesperson for them, I get nothing for this. And it is not for everybody.
What helped me with the Youper App was if I was somewhere and I was driving, or unable to use pen and paper for whatever reason, I could take this out, and I could dictate what was going through my mind. And it will go into the app. And the app also asked questions, and asks you thoughts, or reflect things back to so some people really appreciate that, even though it’s kind of robotic.
To me, it was just another form of using that step three, which is a willingness to surrender, to give over to my higher power that which I can’t control. And so, I loved using that and still do on occasion.
When we moved here to North Carolina, as I’ve just done a big move with my husband to the mountains of North Carolina, which I’m thrilled to say is going well. I came across another wooden God box that I had tucked away and forgotten I had. And I’m really excited to use it. And to carry this tradition forward in my life. Because one of the things about recovery that I think we lose sight of is, those tools and techniques and strategies that worked for us in early recovery still work for us in long term recovery. The thing that happens is the further we get away from those early, desperate, pain filled days of early recovery, we tend to get more complacent and more comfortable. And that’s a very slippery, dangerous slope.
You know, I had the privilege of listening to Tennie McCarty recently, who shared about this exact thing that if we don’t keep putting our recovery as our priority in our life, no matter what’s going on around our life, we are just as susceptible to relapse in behavior, in use as someone who’s just starting their recovery. And though intellectually, I know that my disease likes me to forget that.
So, I’m bringing you the concept of God Box, Universe, Higher Power Box, and you know, where I really think this is valuable with our children, and our grandchildren. So, what I love about it is, it’s a safe place for them to dump stuff. It’s a place for them to put their thoughts and feelings out. It introduces them to the concept of a power greater than them, a power greater than you as their parent or grandparent. It’s a place for them to learn to let go of the things and people they have no control over.
And I just think with our world right now, and some of the tragedies that are happening in it, and in our children are being directly impacted by those tragedies. Our mental health issues are at an all-time high. Our chemical dependency issues are at a whole-time high, addiction in general is up. We need every resource we can get to help us navigate one day at a time, this life that we live, and why not introduce to our children, these techniques that help us. They may not take them; they may not use them. But you plant seeds, and you let go. And if it’s in the house and it’s a family box when it starts getting full have a little bonfire and some s’mores and let it go off to the universe.
So, I share this with you as a tool or a tip or a strategy that you might want to consider in your recovery journey. I know it’s benefited me greatly. I’ve heard from many people they’ve found value in it.
And one of the neat things is to create your own universe box, make it yours, paint it, craft it, glue it, make it out of fabric. Make it easy access if you want to get in and revisit some of the stuff and see what happened or something you burn or empty and burn.
But whatever you do with it, I hope it brings you some peace and quiets the damn monkey chatter!
Please find resources on my website,
embracefamilyrecovery.com
This is Margaret Swift Thompson.
Until next time, please take care of you!
